May 21, 2024

Bud Light Announces Genius Comeback Plan To Wait Until Everyone Who Hates Them Dies Of Old Age


ST. LOUIS, MO — Marketing executives for Anheuser-Busch have announced a comeback plan for their struggling beer brand Bud Light. According to the company, the plan involves waiting several decades until the consumers who currently hate the brand die of old age.

Bud Light was previously the #1 beer brand in the country, but sales have cratered over the past year following the controversial hiring of Dylan Mulvaney as a company spokesperson. With first-quarter 2024 sales down 13.7%, the company says they plan to make a comeback by perhaps around 2095.

“Bud Light is struggling right now, but that won’t always be the case,” said VP of marketing Todd Allen at a recent press conference. “In seventy to eighty years, all the consumers who currently hate us will be dead, and we’ll have a whole new population to market to. That’s a win!”

Allen said the plan is nothing short of genius in its simplicity. “You may hate Bud Light, and your kids may hate Bud Light too,” Allen continued. “But your unborn great-grandchildren haven’t heard of us yet, and we’re going to make sure they love us. Mark my words, 2128 will be a banner year for Bud Light!”

At publishing time, Allen had also announced a new company effort to broaden its customer base with new “Bud Light for Kids.”


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