April 17, 2024

Buttigieg Praises Cargo Ship For Helping Dismantle Racism In American Roads


BALTIMORE, MD — As crews continued to deal with the aftermath of the collapse of the Francis Scott Key Bridge, Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg praised the cargo ship Dali for helping dismantle racism in American roads.

With the investigation into the cause of the disaster still in progress and the rebuilding of the bridge expected to be a long and complicated process, Buttigieg hailed the collapse as a step in the right direction to root out the deep-seated systemic racism and oppressive ideology that formed the foundation of the nation’s roads and bridges.

“This catastrophe is a beautiful turning point,” Buttigieg told reporters. “Gone are the days when we will allow these symbols of discrimination to continue to stand. Thank you, cargo ship Dali, for taking such bold action to dismantle these oppressive structures. Also, I’m gay.”

The collapse of the bridge resulted in the closure of the Baltimore port, raising speculation that shipping delays and supply line issues will lead to more economic challenges across the country. Biden administration officials say this is a small price to pay to cleanse the U.S. transportation system of its bigotry. “Sacrifices need to be made,” Buttigieg said. “If crippling the national economy and making it more difficult to obtain goods and maintain commerce is what it takes to absolve us of the sins of our racist bridges and roads, so be it. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to catch a flight for my vacation. Chasten is taking me to Turks & Caicos! Eeek!”

At publishing time, Buttigieg had commissioned a life-sized bronze statue of the cargo ship Dali to be placed in the Patapsco River.



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