June 13, 2024

Crowd Cheers As Scottie Scheffler Tunnels Out Of Prison Right Onto Tee Box

LOUISVILLE, KY — The second round of the PGA Championship was already underway today when a minor disturbance occurred near the opening hole, as Scottie Scheffler tunneled out of prison right onto the tee box.

Despite being arrested earlier in the morning, Scheffler was apparently able to smuggle in one of his golf clubs to be used as a crude digging device, tunnel his way out of the cell where he was being held, and navigate his way to Valhalla Golf Course in an attempt to play today’s round of the tournament.

“I’m not late for my tee time, am I?” Scheffler asked before spitting out some dirt as he popped out of the sod near the first hole. “I didn’t want to miss the round. I thought I was on the right track, but I wondered if I forgot to make that left turn at Albuquerque. Are we good? I’ve got my clubs!”

The crowd cheered with delight as the world’s number one golfer emerged from a hole in the grass. “We were worried he would have to withdraw from the tournament after the incident this morning,” said one spectator. “Thankfully, we saw the tell-tale signs of a trail of grass and dirt rising up on the ground over the horizon as Scottie burrowed his way onto the course. He popped his head out of that hole, and the whole crowd went nuts. What an entrance!”

At publishing time, PGA officials and law enforcement had determined he would be allowed to complete the tournament so long as he wore his ankle monitor.

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