April 16, 2024

Diddy Hired As New President Of Nickelodeon Studios

LOS ANGELES, CA — Upon learning of Diddy’s extensive experience fostering relationships with child actors, Nickelodeon Studios has named the rapper as its new President.

“Diddy embodies what Nickelodeon Studios is all about,” explained Nickelodeon board member Aaron Masters. “Hearing story after story the past few days of children touched by Diddy, we knew he was the perfect fit for the future of Nickelodeon.”

According to sources, Diddy narrowly beat out Jared from Subway and Ghislaine Maxwell for the top role. “We really had a tough decision on our hands,” explained Masters. “Ultimately, we felt the incredible scope of Diddy’s relationships with young people, as well as him not yet being in jail, made him the ideal candidate. We are excited for Diddy to join the Nickelodeon family just as soon as he returns from hiding.”

Though an unexpected move for the rapper, sources close to Diddy report he has dreamt of being involved with Nickelodeon for years. “Diddy has been wanting for years to get access to either Nickelodeon or Disney Junior,” reported a Diddy confidante on condition of anonymity. “This is hitting the lottery for a guy like Diddy.”

At publishing time, Heavenly sources had announced that God would spare Nickelodeon Studios if just one non-pervert could be found working there.