WASHINGTON, D.C. — After a concerning Special Counsel report that suggested Biden may be mentally unfit to remain in the presidency, an additional report has revealed that Kamala Harris is also mentally unfit to replace Biden.
“Not gonna lie, we’re kinda scraping the bottom of the bullpen here,” said an anonymous White House source. “I asked Kamala yesterday if she would be ready to step into the role of President should her nation call her to do so, and she responded by laughing maniacally and talking about how much she loves space. We’re running out of options.”
When reached for comment, the Vice President gave no clear answers. “President is like the biggest boss of a country, and when you think about it, that’s significant in a way the many people find significant,” she said. “Vice President is like the little boss. Presidents need lots of mental. I have plenty of mental. Mental is in brains, which I have. HA HA HA HA HA!”
VP Harris’s staff was unavailable for comment, as she has no remaining staff still working for her.
Other anonymous sources have suggested that Biden might be able to ride out the rest of his first term, but will step down from the race in favor of Gavin Newsom, who was found by investigators to have more than enough mental competence to destroy the country.
By now the whole internet has heard Ben Shapiro rapping, but did you know that there are actually two more verses they cut out of the track?