April 17, 2024

President Xi Appointed To Serve On San Francisco Elections Commission


SAN FRANCISCO, CA — In an unexpected move to strengthen and add legitimacy heading into the 2024 election season, Chinese President Xi Jinping was appointed to serve on the San Francisco Elections Commission.

Though the leader of the Chinese Communist Party is not an American citizen and many would argue that he has a vested interest in undermining and destabilizing the United States, proponents of the move hailed it as a landmark achievement for diversity and a step toward improved diplomatic relations between the two world powers.

“It’s a move that makes perfect sense,” said Board of Supervisors President Aaron Peskin. “Why wouldn’t we want the leader of a rival nation playing an important role in election here in the United States? He clearly has extensive experience in politics, and his prominent position indicates that he’s a man of integrity and would never do anything improper. Right?”

When reached for comment, Xi expressed gratitude for the opportunity to serve. “Thank you for such a great honor,” he said through an interpreter. “My years of experience in secretly overseeing elections in the United States will come in handy in my new role publicly overseeing elections in the United States. Starting out small in an area like San Francisco, which is basically a Chinese province, will let me get my feet wet before I expand my influence. Also, please continue using TikTok. Thank you.”

At publishing time, authorities were investigating allegations that other members of the Elections Commission and their families had mysteriously disappeared.


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