May 21, 2024

Seeking Better Counsel, Trump Hires Sydney Sweeney As New Lawyer

NEW YORK, NY — In a surprise twist during the jury selection phase of his criminal hush money trial, former President Trump has parted ways with his legal team and acquired Sydney Sweeney to be his new lawyer.

“You’re fired, “said Donald Trump to his lawyer after seeing images of Sydney Sweeney circulating on social media. “This Sydney Sweeney gal sure looks like she knows a lot about the law.”

Presiding judge over the case Juan Merchan said that while acquiring the legal services of someone without legal experience is an unusual move, he was within his rights to choose his own lawyer or represent himself.

“She’s smart. She’s savvy. She’s got huge… law degrees!” exclaimed Trump on Truth Social. “She’s the best. Everyone is saying so!”

At publishing time, Trump was also looking into the law services of someone called Margot Robbie, Esq.

When guns are finally banned in the coming utopia, you may still need to defend yourself on the rare occasion.

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