King Solomon Dies Of Old Age Waiting For 700 Wives To Decide On Restaurant

JERUSALEM — Sad news emerged from the royal palace today, as it was announced that King Solomon had died of old age while waiting for his 700 wives to decide on which restaurant to go to for dinner.

The king’s wives had entered their third decade of deliberation when Solomon’s body simply gave out from stress, exhaustion, and many years of waiting to finally eat. A palace spokesman highlighted the long, full life the king had led before falling victim to the indecision of his wives and concubines.

“His majesty the king has died,” said the spokesman. “He passed away peacefully in his bed, old and full of years, waiting for his wives and concubines to finish debating about where they should all go for dinner. As for the other challenges and trials King Solomon faced due to being married to so many women, are they not written in the Chronicles of Frustration?”

The king’s wives released a statement following the announcement. “We are saddened by our husband’s death,” the statement read. “We were nearing an agreement on a restaurant and hoped he could just be patient and give us more time. If it weren’t for Admah and Naamah’s last-minute change of mind that they thought Moabite food sounded good, we would have settled on something long ago.”

The palace spokesman said Solomon would be laid to rest with his fathers in the City of David, finally at peace from the bickering of his many wives.

At publishing time, it was expected that at least 700 of Solomon’s wives would arrive late to his funeral because they were still getting dressed.

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